Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Personal Musings of a Crazy Pregnant Lady

It hit me today. I'm in my third trimester. Holy. Cow. We're talking final stretch here people (literally and figuratively).

When I think about the fact that I have like 12 weeks (possibly only 10) before I'm holding my son in my arms, it scares me to death and excites me at the same time. Now, as a 3rd trimester-er, I'm used to constant, conflicting and overwhelming emotions all at the same time. But seriously. 12 weeks.

Things have been changing, sure. I spent about a week where I couldn't really walk (those of you who know me and my pathetic love-affair with injuring myself probably remember all the of the various ways I've fractured, dislocated or just plain messed up my back and hips...) and then found a yoga course that really works for me (I'm in love with it - it's never been so easy to commit to a physical routine before). I've started to waddle *cringe*. I spend most evenings icing my ankles and feet. My baby spends most of his evenings playing kickball with my insides. He's big too - doctor estimated him at almost 15 inches last week (that's like 2 - 3 weeks ahead size wise). Granted, that could change, but man... He's strong too - he actually wakes me up at night now and if he really gears up and gives me a good kick, it shakes the bed a little bit. You can see this little guy swimming around on the outside of my belly and it fills me with both wonder and a wee bit of that oh-my-gosh-I-saw-this-in-a-horror-movie feeling. I dream about him constantly. I used to day dream about what my kids would be like, but nothing like this.

It's finally stopped feeling weird to walk into the baby clothes section and find something cute. It still feels weird when I think about dressing my baby boy. Sometimes I feel very very 16 still. Of course life has gone on and how I look at the world has changed, but so much of what felt like "me" is still there. And then there are times when I realize that I look like an adult and I feel 35. I have started to get little lines around my eyes (a fact that I'm actually a little bit happy about, believe it or not) and I can see the lines on my husband's face starting to form (a fact I really like - "distinguished" men are hot!).

I guess realizing today that I went into this stage almost without realizing it, combined with my upcoming anniversary has led to a lot of reflection. My husband and I have been through a lot together in the last 7+ years and though I don't feel ready to be a parent per-se, I feel confident because we're doing this together.

However, confidence still doesn't diminish that "holy cow" feeling. Maybe that's why things like the upcoming election, global warming, Prop 8, the economy, and all that craziness seems a little paler to me right now. Sure, I'll be out there on Nov. 4 waddling into the voting booth, but when you compare it to the fact that my husband and I created a life, it almost feels silly.

Btw - if it seems like I've wandered all over the map in these musings, it's not you, it's me. That's my brain ALL THE TIME right now. It's frustrating sometimes (especially to my poor husband), but once you learn to just ride the crazy wave, it's not so bad. Unless it's bad to accept your craziness and start enjoying it. That's probably some kind of psychosis or something.

Oh well. :)

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